A Better Day

After yesterday being such a bomb, it was nice to have today be such a good day. I’m not saying that I was super productive, but I am saying that I got stuff done. I also talked with a few people about my dip yesterday and it was nice to have some other perspectives on the matter. It was what I needed. I’m suddenly reminded of Paris Geller in Gilmore Girls when she went a little crazy as the editor of the Yale Daily News. She said “No man is an island, but this woman is,” or something to that effect. I need to remember that this woman ain’t an island either, and that sometimes it’s okay to talk through hard things and seek advice. I think I’ve just held everything so close to my chest for so long, that it’s hard for me to open up. Even with my goal of being an author I wasn’t very candid for the longest time. I kept it to myself. Sure, I had a few friends that knew, though I’m sure some of them didn’t think I was serious, but there were people that I had worked with for years that would be surprised when I told them that I spent my days off writing.

Most people thought I was crazy when I said I was quitting my job to pursue this dream that many of them hadn’t even heard of. I’m trying to change that. I’m trying to tell everyone that will listen, and even the ones that won’t, that I’m going to be an author; that I’m going to write a novel. Some people still do the classic pat-on-the-head/”that’s nice dear, but what are you really going to do?” thing, but more people are supportive of my goals, and that’s pretty neat. It means that they’re a part of this shared journey and it means that I can lean on them or talk to them when I’m maybe not having the best of days, or not feeling the greatest about what I’m working on. That’s pretty special.

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Sleep Day, Beach Day

Remember that time when I anted to have a new routine and do productive things every day? Well, still not really happening. Oops! I am just so good at sleeping and so good at procrastinating. Tomorrow I will get up on time, maybe. Or even an hour earlier than today would be fine with me. I just have to remember that naps are totally allowed and that might help me get up earlier.

In good news, I am being productive, though perhaps not getting in as many hours as I would like. I am writing and I am progressing the story by putting these new building blocks in place. And I’m enjoying it, which I think is the best part. It obviously means that I am doing the right thing, if nothing else. In fact, I had a pretty enjoyable day. I slept in late again, and after a quick lunch, headed to the beach. It was another gorgeous day and I sat on some driftwood and wrote for a few hours. I think I’m actually almost at the point where I can start writing the actual story. What!? Yes. I think I am almost done with most of the massive planning stage. Sure, there’s still a bunch of little things to go in to connect the dots, but we’re getting there, and it’s super exciting.

Tomorrow I’m going to attempt to get up earlier, which means that I should attempt to go to bed sometime before 1am tonight. The beach seems to be a pretty decent place for my creativity to flow, which I’m grateful for, but it gets pretty hot pretty quickly, so tomorrow I think I might try the park, to see if that gives me the same creative juices, but also some shade. Mainly because I’m a little sunburned from today.

I’m just still so excited about this story, and then the next story, and the one after that. I just want to live in Elyria forever.

Moderate Success

I was going to call this blog “Not Quite A Fail”, but decided to take the more positive side. All things considered, I think I had a fail productive and positive day today. Did I follow my schedule exactly? No. I definitely slept in for about three extra hours than I planned on doing. Oh well. Did I get stuff done? Definitely did. My daily writing/planning goal is four hours. That’s the minimum I want to get done. Did I hit that minimum today? I most certainly did not! But I was close. And for the first day of my new routine, I think it was a solid effort. More important than the time I spent writing was what I wrote, and I manage to accomplish quite a bit in terms of planning. I wrote a list of the things I have written, and a list of new things that I need to create. I still have to add to the list, but it’s a solid start.

I had two really good break throughs today, too. One was on a character. I created the character to fill this role a very long time ago, but as the story developed and evolved, he didn’t quite work anymore. Today I managed to come up with a character that is much more multi-faceted and actually makes parts of the story work better together. I still have to finish his backstory and figure out what his motivation is, though I think I’ve got the latter down to just needing a few tweaks. So I’m very excited about that and feel motivated to keep going. Next is probably even better. Last night I had a bit of an epiphany about an event in the story (probably part of the reason I couldn’t fall asleep and ended up sleeping in). Today I managed to flush it out a bit more and even tie it in to the end of the first book. The story I’m working on is a trilogy, I think, and this event comes right at the end of the first novel, unless I decide to just do two books, then I’ll have to re-space everything out. But for now, it is where it is.

Timelines! Ugh! That’s the thing that probably kills me the most. It’s not so much the timeline for any given story, it’s just working it into the over arching timeline of Elyria proper, which is where all my stories take place. Past me was actually a pretty thorough person and wrote a decently comprehensive timeline for Elyria, I just need to read through it, and probably make a giant, poster-sized version so I can follow along. I did find the notebook with the timeline in it, at least, so that’s a step in the right direction.

I even ate lunch on the beach, which is pretty neat. While I was doing so, I actually had a pretty good revelation, which I think is only going to help motivate me. I was sitting there, watching the boats sail by as the the breeze caressed me, and the water lapping on the shore soothed me, when I thought “I wish I could always do this”. And that’s when I realized that I can. There doesn’t have to be an end to eating, and working, on the beach and enjoying the world around me. If I keep on this track, there’s nothing stopping me from enjoying everything my current location has to offer and then moving on to another location to do the same. I just need to keep motivated, which I feel will be easier now, and keep my foot to the floor.

Life Updates

I missed a day of blogging, and it’s weird that it’s only been a few days and I feel terrible that I didn’t make it. I’d like to say that something exciting happened and therefore I was unable to blog – like maybe I was kidnapped and had to fight my way out and then save the princess, but that’s not it at all. I just had a super busy day after a late night and I was exhausted. Like face-plant-into-the-pillow-at-the-first-possible-moment exhausted. It wasn’t even that exciting of a day. I went out of town to do some shopping, which is a terrible thing because then I spend money, as soon as I got back into town, I went to my cousin’s playoff lacrosse game, which I was late to, and then to his house for dinner afterwards. Like I said, nothing super interesting, although I do enjoy family time, but it was just go, go, go all day. I was grateful that today was a very casual day. I slept until 11am with some crazy dreams that I will get to in a minute, and didn’t even leave the house if you don’t count going into the yard. It was definitely the type of low key day that I needed before I start my new “work” schedule. I’ve been joking that I need to make a time sheet and pay myself an hourly rate to motivate myself, but somehow I don’t think that will work.

Tomorrow is the day that I’m supposed to start my new routine to get stuff done, but we’ll see if it actually happens. I can’t remember exactly what time I’ve penciled in to get up at, but I’m pretty sure it’s some godawful time like 6am. Now, when I was working a real job, I would frequently have to be up before then to get to work on time, but it’s a lot harder to motivate yourself when there is no real repercussion for not getting up and getting going. Plus I’ve always been really bad at the reward system thing, you know, where you set a reward for doing x amount of work or whatnot? I usually just rationalize that I can avoid doing the work and just get the reward immediately. The only time I can remember being successful was during Nanowrimo one year. My reward for hitting the word count was a Nintendo 3DS. I even bought it beforehand, because I knew I would finish, but I made myself wait until I hit the 50k words. I did, about a week early, and then I got to play my 3DS. Honestly, though, that’s the only time I can remember this system actually working. In university I was able to incentivize myself with stickers, so that could actually be an option, I would write down every little thing that I had to do in an agenda, and when I completed it, I would put a sticker over it. This has some potential, and maybe when I hit a certain number of stickers I can trade them in for a prize. Am I a child? Yes, yes I am.

Speaking of, I definitely had the weirdest dreams last night. I was in a city, maybe Vancouver, when Godzilla showed up. Naturally, everyone started to evacuate. I ended up on Vancouver Island and then the earthquakes started. I’m not sure if they were related to Godzilla or if maybe my dreams just collided together. All I knew was that I had to get out of any cities with tall buildings, so I headed to the north end of the island where my grandparents live, because there’s nothing tall there. But, we also had to worry about tsunamis, so after packing stuff up, I went in search of a hill. I felt pretty confident in my ability to survive, which is more than I am say for my thoughts in real life. Is it weird that I’m always wondering what my best course of action is in a natural disaster? Maybe not when I live on a fault line. I definitely have to look at fault lines in my story world. My brother keeps mentioning how important they are, and I agree, mainly from a topography point of view, but I can work with earthquakes, too… interesting.

Anyway, I’d best be signing off for the night. Something about getting up early in the morning.

The Dream

“Sometimes life is about risking everything for a dream that no one but you can see.”

I came across this quote some time ago. I’m not sure who said it or really how I to find it, but it resonated with me. Maybe because I have this crazy dream where I am going to become a published author and share my little world with everyone. But it’s scary as hell. Because first, one must pull a story from the depths of one’s soul, and secondly, because every force in the world seems to be working against following that dream and people can’t seem to understand why you would want to quit your well paying job to pursue this. I mean, I get it. I wonder myself. But I did it. And I’m still not sure if I’m better off. If nothing else, I’m committed, or should be.

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