Focus

First of all, let’s talk about the elephant in the blog, aka the fact that I didn’t post yesterday. I just felt like crap yesterday and I looked at my computer and was like “nope, not going to happen.” And it’s definitely okay to take days off. I could have pumped something out yesterday, but it would have been drivel. It wouldn’t have been worth reading, in my opinion. Though, sometimes I do question if what I write is work reading at all. I guess where I’m trying to go with this, is that if you have a job and you are sick, you can take a day off. Therefore, why can’t I? I definitely need to prioritize self-care as I try to ramp up with the writing.

On Tuesday, I had a very life focused day, which means I did little to no work. I also misplaced my agenda, which I didn’t realize until I found it today, because I wasn’t really looking to use it yesterday. However, because I had those two “days off” and hadn’t set up my agenda for today, I felt like I was very unfocused. Maybe it’s just the remnants of whatever was messing with my system yesterday, but I could not get honed in on anything for more than fifteen minutes today. It was just not a productive day at all. I felt bored and/or agitated for the majority of the day. I think part of it was because I was having issues with my vlog not exporting, and so that was constantly in the back of my mind. But also, I think it was just a rubbish day for trying to get stuff done. I really want to be either kicking myself in the butt for not accomplishing things, or kicking myself to get stuff done, but it’s definitely not happening today. I need to get focused and I need to get my drive going.

I keep using the excuse that “tomorrow is another day”, but then something always comes up. Next week is a crazy week for me because I have some travel and a wedding to attend, so I don’t foresee myself doing much writing. And then it’s August.

When I first quit my job, my plan was to have June and July off and to write as much as I could in the time period, before maybe looking for a part-time or casual job in August. Well, that didn’t really go as planned and I spent the majority of June doing some casual work, which has continued into July, though at a lesser pace. I’m sure it can continue into August if I want it to, as well. Which would be fine. But I need to focus on writing, which is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I recently mentioned to someone that I’d be okay making very little money a month/a year writing, as long as it was enough that that was all I had to do. Because all I want to do it write. They told me that I could keep writing even if I get a real job and that I should never give up my passion. But that’s not the point. I want to write and somehow make even a tiny little profit to be able to just do that. To have someone ask me what I do for a living a say “I’m an author” and have them ask me what books I’ve written, instead of having to say “I’m trying to be an author” and getting those odd and sometimes sympathetic looks. Then people ask you what your story is about, and it’s always a little hard to explain without giving too much away. Then they just kind of drift away. Maybe soon I’ll have the former. But that all depends on me, doesn’t it?